My father had a number of friends. One of them became his cheerleader, his supporter and his sounding board in many things, including his writing. We met a couple of times at conventions, but I was always so busy we never really had a chance to talk. Not until my father died.

We’d talk once or twice a week for an hour or two at a time. I quickly grew to love her like a sister. She helped me set up Carlisle Legacy Books and encouraged me with my own writing. We’d discuss current events, about my father, about what to do with his legacy. Her understanding of my father, his work, and public relations was invaluable. Just as important was her friendship.

And then, last August, everything changed. Her husband had been under a doctor’s care and taking medication for a condition he didn’t have, and it slowly messed with his mind. He pushed her down, took their shared computer, and left. Three days later she got the computer back, but it wasn’t working properly. While he had it, there’d been a power surge and it was damaged beyond recovery. She has vision issues and the computer was a Mac mini, which meant she could use the accessibility features to reduce strain on her eyes. Now she only has her old laptop, which means she has, on a good day, four hours she can devote to computer work. To make matters worse, he blamed her for everything, demanded spousal support, and wanted her to take all the debt.

An arbiter told him he couldn’t get what he wanted, as he technically made more money that she did and he was responsible for half the debt, but that, and the nasty text messages he keeps sending her, have made her angry and bitter. I can’t blame her. I can’t even begin to understand all she’s going through. 

I want to be there for her, to support her, to listen. But I can’t. In her anger and grief, I’ve become the enemy. Why? I only know what she’s angry about. That my husband’s politics are the opposite of hers and I still love and support my husband. I won’t make my kids, who are busy with their own jobs and their own lives, help me sort through boxes of papers. I know I should have done this over a year ago, but I’m mostly blind and can’t read any of the papers, so I am slowly getting help, but it’s slow. She does have a point that it needs to be done.

I am not blaming her for any of this. But I am broken-hearted to lose her friendship. She won’t answer my calls, my messages, or my emails. She went on a mental health break, so I understand her not wanting to help me with business matters, but I miss not being able to bounce ideas off her. Or even talk about things in general. I miss hearing her laugh. I still worry about her, and I still care about her, but she has cut me out of her life.

I don’t care that our politics differ. I have friends from many walks of life, many backgrounds, many political parties, and many belief systems. I love talking to them and I learn from them. My life is enriched because of our differences. I like the diversity. But not everyone can accept differing political, religious, or lifestyle differences. They cannot agree to disagree. Some want to silence those who think differently from them. And in her anger and pain, she has become one of those. I believe that both our lives are the lesser because of it.

So, why the blog? Because maybe someone reading this will think of a friend who may be in similar circumstances. Someone who, because of current social and political trends has decided to sever ties with someone simply because they disagree. Or maybe they’re in a similar situation themselves and can learn from this.

Disagreements happen to everyone. The important thing is to be civil about it. To accept that there will always be differences. None of us agree on everything. We need to be polite, to agree to disagree, to set boundaries, and to find common ground. And maybe, someone will decide that the friendship is more important than the differences, and find that common ground.

I hope that one day my friend will call me up and we’ll talk. But if not, I will always cherish what we once had, and regret the loss. Mourning a friendship is not the same as mourning the loss of a spouse, but I do mourn the end of that friendship, even while I hope that she can one day find peace and closure. And happiness.